Apologize For Your Part

It’s easy to say sorry when you accidentally bump into someone or spill a drink in his or her lap. It’s not so simple when you’re in a battle of wills and believe in your heart the other person is in the wrong. Even when it’s clear how each of you contribute to the problem, it’s still a challenge to verbalize an apology – AND to leave it at that. Not “I’m sorry, but you…” or “I did it because you…”

In this week’s Sun-day design I want you to finally address that situation where you need to simply apologize for your part. The goal isn’t to fix the issue or start an argument, it's to fully own up to your part and release yourself from the contentious burden you both share. 

Earlier this week I apologized to my son for a time when I didn’t fully support his request to change schools. Oh, I did the basic stuff – set up an application for the school of his choice and paid for him to take the entrance exam, but I didn’t whole heartedly support his choice and he knew it. In the end he changed his mind but I hadn't lived up to my own expectations for being a mother who fully supports her son. While this happened years ago I hadn’t apologized until recently, and in doing so fully closed the door on that event. Lesson learned. And we are closer and our conversation more heart felt. Here’s what you can also do to facilitate that dialogue too with someone in your life too:

1. Figure out what you feared that caused you to respond or behave the way you did. Fear is the greatest motivator and is the driver behind most decisions.
2. Open the conversation by telling the other person you only want to apologize for your part, and not justify your behavior.
3. Hold the other person’s hand as you begin the dialogue. There is great power in touching someone (appropriately) and sharing your warmth and intention.
4. Make the apology specific and describe what you did or said that contributed to him or her feeling misunderstood, unsupported, unloved.
5. Thank the other person for listening and being part of this life lesson.

That apology serves as an offering of positivity in you and the other person life, and that energy will come back to you ten-fold. Be sure to share your stories of apology and affirmation.

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