As much as some people never apologize for anything others apologize for any mishap, even when the error is not their own. The people who apologize for nothing irritate those around them with their smug, entitled and rude behavior. While you don't want to be that person you also don't want to be the person who apologizes for everything. In this week's Sun-day design ask yourself are you really sorry before you offer an apology.
I'm not suggested you don't apologize for your indiscretions. I simply want you to notice how often you throw the phrase "I'm sorry" around, particularly in the workplace where language, stature, and position prevail. Over-apologizing can be just as detrimental to your confidence as it is to your personal brand. When you apologize for something you did not do or say, you take on accountability for someone's feelings for which you really have no bearing. For example, your manager is frustrated because she's unable to find some important documents. Do you say with "I'm sorry ..." or do you respond with "that's unfortunate". How about when someone barges into your office requesting information that you are not privy to? Do you apologize for not being able to give that person what he/she wants or do you simply remind them what information or materials you have responsibility over or access to.
Think of your favorite or most esteemed leader. Does that person apologize often? My guess is probably not. That doesn't mean powerful and influential people don't apologize for their mistakes. They are culpable and admit to any wrongdoing while focusing their language and dialogue on what's next, and in doing so they maintain their power, prowess and personal brand. For more reasons and tips for how to break your habit of over-apologizing visit my recent blog post on SpaFinder Wellness website.
Working for an organization that you didn't build is not easy. You are constantly dealing with other people's poor judgements, bad behavior and questionable ethics. You fortify your inner workplace warrior, listening to what others say in attempt to give them the benefit of the doubt. You know who and what triggers you and you've got strategy in place to ignore and avoid them. That will certainly serve as your defensive plan, and to move your career forward you to need to also position yourself offensively, and to up your career game to the big league you need a team. You need colleagues, a coach, and a captain to help steer your career ship by advocating for your talent and skills, making sure the waters ahead are clear. In this week's Sun-day design I want you to find your workplace ally. The person who is ready to be part of Team You.
To move your career to the next level you must have people who will champion the best parts of you, your accomplishments, career interests, and be willing to do so particularly when you're not in the room.
Think of someone at work who gets you. Understands your thoughts, your flavor, your brand. If you don't have someone in mind, it's time to build and find your allies. You can start building your army with the people you have lunch with or recognize them as a warm face in the hall. It's time to build some bond.
Okay, have someone in mind? Now here's the test. Ask your potential ally these three questions:
• what do you think I bring to the team/org (warm them up)
• what is the one thing I do or say that I can improve (see if they will be honest)
• in three words or less how do people describe me when I'm not in the room (see if they will be open)
You'll know this person is the right ally for you if they in fact name one of your gremlins or if they shed some light on your personality blind spot. Now that's someone I always want on team "Me".
I am a huge advocate for designing you, key areas of your life, manifesting magic, miracles, and every now and then a little mutiny. When you trust in your own power to make things happen in your life with a committed heart and mind you can inadvertently miss the "wrong way" sign! You get so enamored with your vision for the future that you miss the detour signs that appear right before your eyes.
In this week's Sun-day design I want you to recognize the warning sign you've knowingly ignored. How then do you tell the difference between a real warning sign and unfounded fear?
The single most prominent warning sign that you'll ever need is the one in your body. Like a magnetic flow meter your body will react to any actions or plans that won't move you toward your higher good. This is different from having genuine concerns, fears, and doubts. A lack of courage often stays in your head or causes butterflies to flutter in your stomach. When the rest of your body joins in that's when it's time to listen. The more you pursue someone or something that you're not - or no longer are suppose to have, your body will set off thunderous alarms. Muscle cramps, heart palpitations, reflux and digestive issues are all ways for your body to veto your path and redirect you back to your true purpose. Even as you design your goals and pursue your ambitions be prepared to converse with the Universe.
Your faith, spiritual connection, or resounding personal power will give you a clear clue and sometimes the answer you receive is an outright no. Not you, now now, or no more. Your plane gets grounded, you don't get the job, make the team, or experience the love relationship that you deeply desire. That's okay. Appreciate the sign and embrace the possibility that a new direction will be more in line with the parts of yourself that need to heal, the milestones you are destined to achieve, and the life lessons you'll learn.
Whether you were able to join the Design Your Year Event last December in body or in spirit it's time for your raw and real report card. This week is dedicated to your very own authentic Design Your Year check-in. For one short hour press pause, give thanks for what you've accomplished, be honest about the things you've failed at or flaked on and gear up for more! Like the leader of the free world in your first 100 days of office, give your progress an actual grade. Here 's a quick guide to your grading system:
A for effort and tangible success in 3-5 areas of life, B for effort and a huge shift in your mindset, C for giving a lot of thought and possibly some tears, D for your forgot all about it until right now. YIKES! And no + or -, the grade stands as it is. Once you've established an accurate grade you use it to decide if the dreams you desired for 2015 just a short three months ago still stand true. Shake up your goals, revise your vision board, or begin some journal exercises to figure out why that one thing still has taken off.
Consider this your first foray toward spring cleaner. Before you start with your closets take inventory of what you feel, the beliefs that are still pulling you away from your dreams, and figure out what you really need and who can truly help (and I know Design You Coaching is just the right resource for you)! As you ponder all the possibility for your life take the reigns, stay the course or pick a new promise. Visit the the gallery (with captions) from Design Your Your Event posted below. Be inspired. Believe in magic.
It is great to establish a personal spiritual practice, listening to your inner voice and looking for guidance from someone or something bigger than yourself. At times you may fall victim to codependency upon that spiritual guide to look for signs directing you to go left or right, and end up going nowhere fast. In reality you have more than one option, you can move left, right, up, down, or sideways. You even go so far as to convince yourself that there is ONLY one right way and that answer will be revealed to you if you just pray, meditate read the astrological signs, or ask Siri. Sound familiar?
You may in fact have some pretty good reasons for why you pursue a spiritual deep connection. Trouble ensues when you won't move without a sign and find yourself stuck in a descending cycle of doubt and dismay...as you wait. Instead walk toward a choice and put a stake in the ground. In this week's Sun-day design I want you to figure out what you're waiting for by telling the truth about what exactly it is you fear.
The reason you are looking for some signal outside of yourself is because you're looking for some guarantee against that very thing you fear, and since there is practically little to slim chance to protect yourself against all fears - all the time you have to decide to move or sit on sidelines watching life go by. The lesson, the movement, the progress may very well be in simply making A decision. Do you stay in the game, do you continue this relationship, do you finally stick to your love rules once and for all?
There is immense power in prayer, meditation and other sources for connecting to others, something bigger, your greater self. I want you to stop and seek, more than stop and wait. Recognize the answer probably arrived - you might have missed it in your persistence to have the message packaged and delivered in a specific tangible way. It's also quite possible the answer has not arrived. That's okay too, take it as a cue that right now stillness is a path. Listen, learn, and lead your next move.
The life we experience is designed to help us grow. My wish is that you learn from me as much as I learn from you. Share your life lessons and let's build together.