Do you know the answer to this question? How would your partner or most recent date respond to this question about you? When you think about the ways in which you show up your relationships it's easy to see all the things you do right because you count your intention as much as you merit your delivery. You give yourself credit for effort, for trying to give your love, support, compassion, loyalty, trust, etc. You may even be mindful of your triggers and blind-spots that show up as bursts of anger or depression, frustrated with the other person's lack of support, compassion, loyalty, or partnership. As we close the Hallmark month for love, and in this week's Sun-day design I want you to take stock in how do you love.
More than who do you love, that's only one part of the equation. The bigger question or lesson to learn is why you attracted this person to your life in the first place. Ultimately that relationship - for no matter how long our in it - is designed to show you the parts of you that need to grow. Here's an exercise to help you figure out how you love. Take a piece of paper and divide it in three columns. In the first section, list everything you love about your partner, or the things you did enjoy about the other person your most recently dated. Appreciate that list for just one moment.
Next list the very things you complain or are concerned about when it comes to your partner, love interest, or most recent date. You will notice some things on your list are small and petty but over time the negative feelings they create explode over time. Now is the fun part. In the third column list all the ways you are guilty of the indiscretions listed in column two. For example, the person you dated was financially irresponsible, wasting well earned money on frivolous purchases in your eyes. That may be true, and ask yourself where are you frivolous too. Is it with your diet, your time, your talent? As much as you want to be loved despite your shortcomings, as how do you love your partner in the midst of theirs. Leave a comment and share the way your current love relationship is a reflection of you.
Happy Valentine's Day Weekend! As you continue your celebration of life and love I hope you spend this week attracting, creating, and maintaining the excitement of real authentic love. The art and practice of love begins with the love that you give to you. To experience the intimate and profound love you desire from others you have to be ready and willing to create it within yourself. The experience of love resonates in your brain and your body. As you romance with your mind give your body some attention too.
In this week's Sun-day design learn to adore you body and find 50 places to touch and express your warmth and gratitude. Play with a partner or engage the healing power of massage on your own. Open up the gateway to love by awakening the energy and possibility ready in each of your cells. Like a mother caressing her newborn baby this purpose of this practice is to stimulate growth and a deeper bond. You spend so much time wanting to shape and control the bond you have with others you forget the source of the bond is any relationship is the one your first create with yourself.
So here's the plan, start with each of your toe and work your way up. Give special attention to your heel, ankles, and arches. Your legs, knees and thighs get some quality time too. Each finger, each elbow, each ear, scalp and face is stroked. Tummy time, try using your fingertips to write "I love you" across your ribs. Whichever area you choose to start is up to you. For further guidance click here to learn more about Abhyanga, the Ayurveda practice for giving yourself a warm oil massage, from Deepak Chopra's Center. The Ayurveda approach begins from the scalp to the toes, I say design your massage to your heart's desire. Share your approach to self care and the gratitude you show your body this week!
If you could describe the love of your life in 10 words or less, would you say it’s joyous, profound, sexy, loyal, desirable, perfect or lonely, frustrating, sad, nonexistent?
Whether you're single or spoken for in our heart of hearts we are all searching for our penguin. We all desire a person in our life that loves us as we are and as we intend to be. They see our beauty where we can only see flaws. They lift our spirits, encourage, protect and provide. This week's Sun-day design is a reflection of love.
Think about the person you’re married to, seeing, or most recently dated. Is this person a penguin, barely present, or just passing through? Penguins typically mate for life and most of their species are serial monogamists. We can learn a lot from penguins. In thinking about your own mate here are few question to consider in translating their love language into your world:
If you can respond yes to these questions your on the right track! Your penguin brings more than money, cars, or status. In your relationships you feel connected, valued, and secure. This doesn't mean you and your partner won't have things to work on or want to improve. It means that you're consciously committing to designing a life together. If you’re married or seeing someone, make sure you're supporting one another's dreams. making each person a priority. If you’re dating or venturing into the dating world use this checklist to help you look for qualities that are worthy of a mate for life.
If you’ve found your penguin or just started looking share your story by leaving a comment below.
Yes! We are living in the single month of the year that is truly dedicated to love in all its simplicity, depth, and glory. Many people anticipate the month of February dreaming of esoteric romantic love. Before we explore romantic partnership, let’s first look at the love you surround yourself with. Think about the love you share and may not necessarily acknowledge as such with the people you see day-to-day. I mean everyone – your fitness instructor, fellow school parents, the neighbor whose name you don’t even know, your kid’s teachers, the local grocer, your work colleagues, and dare I say even your boss.
Oh, the workplace; that’s typically the last place you visualize when you think of love and it’s also the place where you’re probably most in need of love, support, or at a minimum some positive vibes.
Since I've declared this the year of the BRAVE I have a courageous challenge for you to take on. The moment you're talking to someone and feel intense anger, anxiety or frustration in dealing with situation at the office, I want you to say aloud “this is love”. I know! It’s simple, direct and at the same time downright annoying and scary. It's also freeing.
The reason I want you to say, “this is love” is because in doing so it will shift the energy and open up the space for you and the other person to have an actual dialogue. Like most of people, it's likely you don’t openly disclose when you’re feeling hurt or sad. Instead you go into attack mode, and the other person readily counters. The dialogue you create with the other person an give you an internal emotional shift. For example, this project is love, this relationship is love, this job is love, and don't forget the person you’re dealing with has his or her own passion and frustration with you too.
Here’s a little script on how this can play out:
Me: Blah, Blah, Blah, you’re not hearing me.
Other: Blah back to you, my perspective is more important. (Repeat lines 1 and 2 five times…)
Me: Ok, this is love
Other: Say what!!?
Me: This is love. It’s simply a statement for me to say as I take a moment to think about what I am really seeking here…
Other: Well I don’t know about love…I just want my…
Me: Try it, you can feel free too :)
Ok, so that’s how things can play out in a perfect world, nonetheless saying “this is love” will inevitably press pause in a contentious conversation. Test the waters and see where it goes. At the very least you can tell the other person I’m trying this technique from this life coach at Design You Coaching…at least you can laugh together at that!
The life we experience is designed to help us grow. My wish is that you learn from me as much as I learn from you. Share your life lessons and let's build together.