Do You Negotiate, Settle, or Walk Away?

What's your default disposition when there's trouble in paradise? In the heat of the moment is your reaction to negotiate and fight for your best interest, settle for what's given or heatedly walk away? Most people unconsciously fall into one of these categories, and each style has real purpose and value for navigating different roadblocks in life. In this week's Sun-day design I want you to recognize how often do you negotiate, settle or walk away from difficult people or difficult conversations.
To identify your dominant defensive style think about every point of contention you experienced in the last week - the ones you verbalized and the incidents where you quietly simmered and you kept to yourself. Write your list and identify the style you used to deal with each situation. Tally your results, then go deeper and think about how that particular style shows up in you. Let's take a look at a few examples that resonate with each style:

• Negotiators tend to think or immediately respond to any discord by saying no. Before they agree to anything they first need to make sure that some part of the issue comes out in their favor. Even if they try to accept the proposed solution, they come back to the table moments later armed with new information on why their preferred choice is better. Easy to fall into 'a take not prisoners' mode, the Negotiator can come off as rude, insensitive, or pushy. This style can benefit from adopting a little of the Settlers point of view and decide if the one battle is ultimately worth the war.
  
• Settlers have such a strong urgency to maintain a place of peace that they forgo their own authentic needs and desires. Settlers often accept terms offered in a contentious moment because they hope the other(s) will see their act of valor as an expression of their love and support. They care so deeply about what other people feel that they can forget to take care of their own feelings too. Sometimes admired and misunderstood by the other styles, this style can benefit from adopting a little of the Negotiator point of view in trusting that their is value in their thoughts, opinions and contributions, and that what they think and feel just may be worth fighting for.
  
• The Walkers avoid rough waters by not even getting in the boat. This style won't offer their opinion and doesn't make time to even consider what other people have to say. It's their way or no way at all. You can pinpoint this style because they avoid people who don't agree with their perspective. This style will leave a difficult dialogue unfinished and move on to something else. There is great value in this skill set when working in organizations and large teams, where there so many land mines you have to mindful of where you step. Day to day this style can benefit from adopting a little of the other styles. The Negotiator and Settlers will at least listen to the other parties point of view, and when you're trying to build and maintain positive relationships hearing people out is key.
  

I'm admittedly a work-in-progress Negotiator learning to adopt the Settlers approach in welcoming other people's point of view and accepting their thoughts and feelings as their own approach to self-advocacy.
So what's your style? Leave a post and share your default style and lessons you've learned.

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